


Revenge is a dish best served cold

by CatLady86



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Cockblocking, Humor, Ignis being a vengeful asshole, M/M, References to Sexual Activities, Revenge, Sequel, Troll Dads
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-09
Updated: 2018-03-09
Packaged: 2019-03-28 21:30:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13912590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatLady86/pseuds/CatLady86
Summary: After the phone incident, Noct and Gladio learn first hand you do not cross Ignis Scientia.





	Revenge is a dish best served cold

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Shiary](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shiary/gifts).



> I want to give a shoutout to @Shiary for suggesting a sequel to [Telephone](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13897848/). XD Enjoy!

Ignis’ lips are pursed tightly together as he hears telltale gasps of the Prince in the midst of copulating, feeling both disgust and wrath seeping throughout his entire being. But he keeps his composure intact and acts oblivious while formulating his next step in his head. 

“Would you like me to bring you over anything to eat later?”

_“Nnh, no I’m good. T, thanks Iggy.”_

“Very well, good day Noct.”

_“Bye Igs.”_

Ignis hangs up his phone and growls lowly, going into his contacts and calling someone. The phone rings with no answer, so he hangs up and redials. Finally, once he gets no response again he sends the person a threatening text and huffs in anger. This wasn’t the first time he overheard their dalliances, but it was the first time done intentionally. And it sure as hellfire will be the last. With a dastardly grin forming on his face, Ignis sends a quick group message to two men he knows will help him in righting this wrong, since they both had the misfortune of walking in on Noctis and Gladio groping at one another. 

_“On it.”_ is the reply that comes across his screen.

But just ratting them out to their fathers wouldn’t be enough, oh no, they had to be punished. The young Advisor grabs up a notepad and pen, making a list of potential actions he could take, scribbling some out before writing down others. He smiles smugly as he glances down at his notepad, ticking across each of the written words before huming pleasantly. Perfect.

I

Both young men sit across from their fathers, Gladio with his head down in shame and avoiding eye contact with his elder as Noctis stares the King down with petulance.

“So tell me, what gave you the bright idea to continue fornicating while talking on the phone?” Regis asks, eyes still deadlocked with his son’s.

“It’s called sex, old man.” Noct snaps. “Besides, Iggy was the one who was rude and bothered me on my day off, plus if I didn’t answer him he’d lead a team of guards to raid my apartment.” 

“Still, it was highly inappropriate what you two did. Especially you Gladiolus, as being the older you should have shown more tact and stopped.” Clarus reprimands. 

“Yes sir.” Gladio says, head still hung in humiliation. 

The elder Shield sighs with annoyance and shakes his head, then turns a knowing eye to the King. “Although I must say, your son doesn’t come by it strange. You were the one who accidentally called me while you and the Queen were in throes of passion.”

Regis stifles a chuckle as the two young men across from them look with horror. 

“Ah yes, I recall you teasing me relentlessly, saying you heard the Prince’s birth and conception. But if we really want to go there, who was the one who didn’t realize they were up against a two-way mirror while they were in the company of a young lady?”

Clarus snorts. “Really? How about the time I caught your lily-white ass-”

Both Noctis and Gladio flee the room, looking absolutely mortified as their father chuckle. 

“Was that well enough Ignis?” Regis asks, looking over as the Advisor steps out from hiding.

“Quite, thank you, your Majesty, Lord Amicitia.” he says and crosses off the first number on his list.

II

Ignis makes his way through the halls of the Citadel like a creeping Coeurl, hunting for something or, more correctly, someone. It was a Wednesday and that meant training for both the Prince and his Shield. While back when they were still bright-eyed and innocent, they’d head off to the showers before partaking in a nutritional snack. Now they just sneak off to a storage room to get their jollies before they shower. 

“Hey Scientia, why do you look like you’re about to maim someone?” one of the Glaives, a man with braids, asks as he leans partially over a balcony while smoking.

“Maybe I am.” he says, putting on a sweet smile and then looks to the cigarette. “May I?”

“I’d didn’t take you for a smoker.” he says and hands one to him.

“Not really, just need to smoke out a couple rats.”

Ignis bids the Glaive goodbye and resumes his journey, eventually finding himself standing before the door of the aforementioned room, the corner of his lips twisting up as he hears a giggle. So carefully and quietly he opens the door, peering inside briefly before stepping in. He takes out the cigarette and looks around at the ceiling, finding what he’s looking for and standing under it. There’s the sound of a slap followed by a yip and then a giggle, making Ignis roll his eyes as he lights up. He inhales deeply and then blows the smoke at the device on the ceiling, then with a nimbleness that rivals a gymnast he bounds from the room just as the sprinklers turn on and heads down the hall relishing in the loud surprised shrieks echoing from the room. 

III

He had to teach them that not even the safety of their own home would be enough to protect them from his vengeance. Most definitely not. He stops by to deliver pre-prepared food for the Prince, who still refuses to cook for himself, along with a little _‘item’_ he had picked up at a novelty shop. As he starts putting things away he notices a fish in the refrigerator, uncleaned and still with its head. Ignis groans, knowing that it will end up just sitting there due to Noctis’ laziness and it wasn’t right to waste perfectly good food. So Ignis gets to cleaning the fish, slicing up its belly to its head, then removing the organs, scales and its head. He cleans up his mess and goes about the apartment, picking up any trash or oddly placed item, then heads into the Prince’s bedroom where he sees something truly vile tossed vicariously onto the floor. If they were this abhorrent then the simple stink bomb he bought wouldn’t be suffice enough. Then a thought pops into his head. Grinning ear to ear, Ignis trots over to the waste receptacle and takes out the fish head. This would be so much better. An hour and a half pass by before Ignis hears a thud against the apartment door along with giggles. He quickly stops his cleaning and escapes to the balcony just as the two men tumble through the door, lip locked and being gropey. They kick off their shoes and move further into the apartment, completely unaware anyone is there as the toss clothing onto the floor before Gladio snatches Noct up and carries him into the bedroom. Ignis tiptoes from the balcony towards the exit but stops and listens as loud sniffing comes from the bedroom.

“The fuck is that smell?”

“I don’t know, it, smells kinda like fish.”

Ignis grins and continues over to the door, putting his shoes on and preparing to leave until he hears a scream.

“There’s a fucking fish head, under my pillow! What the hell is this shit!?”

Gladio retches. “Ugh, gods that’s foul.” 

Ignis walks out of the apartment, whistling a joyful little ditty. 

IV

They chose to go to the older man’s house next, being told that the elder Amicitia would be at a Council meeting all day and Iris wasn’t home from school yet. And that there’d be no way Ignis could mess with them. Boy were they wrong. They’re currently on the living room couch, panting and making out as they frot against each other needily. 

Noctis arches his back, gasping breathily as Gladio rolls his hips with a little more force. “Yes, just like that.” 

Both of them moan and gasp before kissing one another loudly, unaware of the front door opening. 

“Hey Gladdy, you home!? I had an awards ceremony today and took the top honors for my grade. So Papa took me out for lunch and bought me this cool Moo- Oh my gods!” 

“Shit! Iris wait!” Gladio hops off the couch in a heartbeat and stands defensively before his sister, her face going tomato red with rage.

“Gladdy you jerk! How could you!? You are the worst big brother ever!” she shrieks and begins thwacking him with the stuffed Moogle.

“Ow, shit, Iris, quit it!” 

“Hate you, hate you, hate YOU!” Iris screams as she begins chasing her brother around, throwing her shoes at him before using the Moogle plush like a mace again to strike him. 

Noctis sits on the couch stunned until he hears a chuckle, turning to see the elder Amicitia holding up his phone.

“You getting this?”

 _“Yes, thank you.”_ Ignis says over the speaker, his voice sounding greatly bemused.

 _“I say Clarus, your daughter will make a fine fighter when she’s older.”_ Regis chortles. 

There's a loud screech before a crash, Gladio grunting and then a thud.

 _“Or replacement Shield.”_

V

Even after the fallout at the Amicitia manor, the two randy young men have not learned their lesson nor do they show any remorse for their actions. But Ignis is a step ahead of them, having added something to the bottle of lube Noctis keeps stashed in his dresser. Nothing that could harm or kill them, maybe through embarrassment though. Gladio starts to towel himself off after getting out of the shower, then heads over to the mirror to get ready to shave. But when he pulls the towel away from his face he notices something greatly concerning. There were colored handprints on his pecs with a smudge inbetween them. He tries to scrub the marks but it won't wipe off, even when he wets the towel and adds soap.

"Babe!?" he calls out from the bathroom as he hurriedly rushes out.

Noct walks groggily from his room while wiping at his eye. "Wha? So noisy."

"Noct, look." Gladio says and motions at his chest.

The Prince squints his eyes, staring a few seconds before his eyes go as wide as saucers. He looks down at his own hands, seeing they are covered in a similar coloring. "What the hell is this!? Oh my gods, I meet with my Dad today, how the hell am I going to explain this!?"

"You!? I have training today, if anyone sees this I'll never hear the end of it."

Noctis rubs at his face and groans but then stops, looking down at his front. He slowly opens the front of his boxers, glances inside, and lets out a stifled cry at what he sees.

VI

After the latest transgression, Noct and Gladio apologize to Ignis and asks for a truce. Ignis accepts their apology and extends an olive branch by way of a nice home cooked meal at his apartment, also inviting Prompto over as well as an apology since he was the one Noct ran to crying after Ignis’ revenge plans went through. The four are sitting at Ignis’ dining table, enjoying freshly cut fries, breaded fish, and a new dish the Advisor had just stumbled upon recently. 

“Wow Iggy, this is great.” Prompto beams and chows down on a fry.

“Yeah, these little fried things are bangin', what are they?” Gladio asks as he pops another into his mouth.

“They’re called Rock of Ravatogh Oysters, a delicacy with a very hard to get ingredient. Thankfully I stumbled across a vendor who had some fresh.” Ignis says, swirling his wine before taking a sip. 

“How is it hard to get? We get seafood shipments in from Galdin every day.”

“Oh that’s because they’re not actually fried oysters,” he begins, face deadpanned. “they’re fried Garulet testicles.” 

Both Noctis and Gladio spit their food out in unison, beginning to retch and heave as the vacate the table.

“Ignis you prick!” Gladio chokes out before he feels bile rise from his stomach and runs to the trash can since Noct is vomiting in the toilet. 

Prompto stares in horror at the grinning sandy-haired man. “Dude, remind me to never cross you, you’re vindictive.”

“What can I say? I can be quite the ball buster when I want to.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you like, come visit and chat with me on my [Tumblr](https://catlady1986.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Thermochromic is what I used as a reference for the dye.
> 
> Rocky Mountain Oysters are for the food at the end.


End file.
